what if you can’t get in trouble?
on spelling tests, judgement and being a grown up
Hey, I’m Sarah, northern soul & creative midlife introvert. I help women to find, love and trust themselves using the practical magic of human design and backed up by my gently-fierce brand of coaching & accountability.
You’ll find encouragement and resources at
where you can enjoy all things self-belief, seasonal energy and of course, human design, including my new Human Design Resource Library and the Who Do You Think You Are? podcast too.Hello you,
Today’s letter is short and sweet.
Here’s what I want to tell you today…
My love, you’re not going to get in trouble.
It’s exactly what my mentor told me recently too. I breathed out. Maybe you did too.
The conversation came about when I was moaning about my tendency to judge, and point out what’s wrong. It feels like such a strong pull, I can’t help myself. But it’s uncomfortable for me, and sometimes for the people around me. I feel negative and unwelcome; it’s probably lost me some friends over the years.
She invited me to contemplate where this is coming from.
I love that we have a map for this work… it was easy to find. I have the gate 18 active1 in my human design chart. The gift of having this energy consistently available to me is that I have a drive to bring joy to life. It’s an intuitive energy that is looking for a better way to do things, to save time and avoid mistakes. It has a primal sense of survival based on judgement, and its natural way is to criticise, in the highest service of this idea of bringing joy. Hence the strong pull… but…
My discomfort comes from spending too much time & attention in the shadow of this energy, to only see what is not right, to force opinion on others. Sometimes to just shut down in despair that nothing will ever be right “I might as well give up”.
Then if we think about the school system we grew up in… a system that praises accuracy and highlights incorrectness.
Spelling tests.
“Who got 10 out of 10? hands up… who got 9? 8? 7? … anyone get less than 7?”
The disapproval. The waiting to shamefully put a hand up. For me it was sometimes the shame of getting words wrong. Sometimes the shame of getting them all right when my friends didn’t. Feeling shame for others. Judging myself. Judging them. Fear that I would be in trouble, or that they would. Wanting to get everything right all the time and help everyone else get it all right to avoid the all-round discomfort of anyone at all being in trouble.
And just generally being in state of high-alert in case of anyone, anywhere got anything wrong and got in trouble. That gate 18 shadow energy running riot in my system, fuelled by the system.
I’ll say it again. To both of us.
My love, you’re not going to get in trouble.
Ohh, I can’t write this letter without adding a side note about other people. No one, no one, has the right to make you feel in trouble. If someone wants to make you feel in trouble, that’s 100% about their judgement, their temper, their lack of awareness. You cannot make someone else feel frustrated, angry or any other emotion they don’t like. How other people feel is 100% on them. Don’t be less you to make others feel better, calmer or more ok.
Back to you.
Of course, your nervous system might take a little while to believe all this, if it’s anything like mine.
If today’s letter resonates with you, I’m offering you my recipe of self-love, of hugging yourself tight, of reminding you (and your inner child) that you are so safe, of breathing into that deep core of you-ness, of knowing that you are enough perfect as you are. Of just being in your body, in the now, not thinking, only feeling into what is true in this one moment.
And if you want to explore further, I’m inviting you to do that too. Perhaps like me, you have the gate 18 active in your design and you want to lean into the wonder of it, the joy-bringing healing energy…. or maybe you’d like some prompts to respond to… or, choose your own starting point.
💫 if you knew you couldn’t get in trouble, that all your actions would be supported, what would you do? what might that intangible feeling of judgement be holding you back from?
💫 where might your implicit or explicit judgement be making someone else feel like they might be in trouble?
💫 what do you need to tell yourself right now? or what does your inner child need to hear?
As always, please do reach out if you would like to be deeply supported on your journey, either through the map of human design or simply with some nurturing self-belief work. I’ve got you.
Sending love & sunshine!
Sarah xx
Do visit the brilliant People Powered Press for something a bit different - hubby and I had a fab day writing and printing together, and Anthony Dunn, the host, offers lots of interactive workshops to get involved with - you’ll find the press in Saltaire, Yorkshire.
"The human design system is not a belief system. It does not require that you believe in anything. It does not require that you believe in me. It is not stories. It is not philosophy. It is a concrete map to the nature of being. It is a logical way in which we can see ourselves.”
Ra Uru Hu, founder of human design
you can see your active gates on your chart - these are energies you have consistently in your design. Each gate is a wonderful source of contemplation & growth, as we can notice the shadow side and transform it to the gift. This is something I support clients with in the same way my mentor gently guides me. Email me, direct message me or book a virtual brew to find out more.
“How other people feel is 100% on them. Don’t be less you to make others feel better.” So vital for us to bear this in mind 💛
This is really powerful. Many of my clients have shared this fear of getting into trouble and I have it too in some areas if my life. It’s such a relief for my nervous system to hear those words…’you are not going to get into trouble’ even though I already know intellectually it’s true.