the end of an era: reflections, releasing & rejoicing

how it feels to be gently wrapping up a ten year adventure in the middle of nowhere and saying bitter-sweet goodbyes

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.

Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality.” ~ Lao Tzu

“Oh you’re the one with the alpacas!”

For the last 10 years, despite my best efforts to market myself as a coach, it’s always been the alpacas that my network remember. And that’s not a bad thing…

Only, from this week, I won’t be that person anymore. Because sadly we had to say goodbye to our fluffy friends after a decade of enjoying their cheerful faces outside our lounge window. It’s been a tough time.

Peanut & Parker, last men standing

Let me backtrack…

Ten years ago, almost to the day, we moved from village life in Coppull, Lancashire, up to the rural Ribble Valley, to a 15 acre smallholding and a tired old bungalow. Why? I’d lived and worked in the same place for almost 20 years and my mental health was on the floor.

I needed a change.

But I didn’t plan it. By chance we stumbled on this place during a weekend away. My Sacral¹ knew right away that we were moving here, and although we tried to let logic get in the way, sure enough the magnet was strong enough and we landed, joyfully, on our new patch of land with grand plans to build a house and create a glamping site too.

First though, the healing power of nature was exactly what my body needed, and I simply let the days evolve, resting my over-busy mind and focusing my energy on our outdoor space...

Reflecting on the green story…

During those first few months plans emerged to include new tree planting and habitat diversity… with a lot of enthusiasm but no experience of land-owning, we called in the help of the local AONB team - being in an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty we wanted to do things in the proper way.

We also met with a wildlife surveyor, a tree surveyor, a bat specialist, our local RSPB rep and the Woodland Trust; we learned that we have at least 11 species of bat locally, that 99% of our existing trees are ‘nearing end of life and therefore not protectable’, and that we’re lucky to be enjoying so many curlews visiting every year with numbers declining.

Here’s what we got on with…

• In the summer of 2016 we spread wildflower seed on 9 acres of previously homogenous grassland. Not just any wildflower seed either, but seed from one of the 2012 Coronation Meadows. We’re lucky to be just 3 miles from Lancashire’s official meadow who donate seed each year to nearby projects, thereby increasing the acres of meadows which were decimated last century. We didn’t know how long our meadows would take to be fully established - who knew it took so much ‘fettling’ to get it just right!

• In the winter of 2016 we planted 800 new trees with funding from the Woodland Trust and lots of much-appreciated hard work from friends and family! We planted 4,000 new hedge plants at the same time, as we had almost no hedgerows left on the land. Some of these trees are now 20 foot tall and we know they’ll be there to take over from our older, brittle trees as they fade - the local deer enjoy a nibble but the trees are holding their own so far…

• For the next few years we concentrated on the meadow, adding scrapes for wading birds, and taking part in the annual Bee Surveys, walking the fields and counting the bees, by variety and by flowers visited, as well as by weather, reporting in to a wider network to see just what impact we’re making by improving the meadow diversity. Before the seeding we counted 60, afterwards 300…!

• In 2023 we added 1,200 plug plants to our meadow, got tough on the invasive reeds and added annual Curlew Surveys to our list too, as part of the RSPB rare breeds initiative. We do see curlew pairs here, but sadly the crows are still getting the chicks most years…

• And last year, 2024, knowing we would be moving soon we sold some of our meadows to a local couple who are just as committed as us to this wild adventure, so that we know those fields are safe for the future.

Would we do anything differently? Honestly no. And I’m glad we didn’t know upfront how much hard graft there would be, how many setbacks we’d face with the planting, drainage, reeds… Kermit had it right, it is not easy being green!

Not easy but worth every aching muscle. Watching the changes in the land from the day we arrived to now has been a balm. But it wasn’t only the land.

It was the animals too…

First, another quick rewind… back in 2009 I opened a wool shop and traded online alongside my day job. One of my favourite things about the shop was exhibiting at the yarn shows around the country, because there were always alpacas visiting too, cute in their little pens, showing off their fleece and bewitching the crowds. I definitely fell in love.

So when we arrived here and looked out at the empty paddocks it was an easy decision to invite along a few to keep us company. We chose three neutered boys, having no plans to breed, and sat back to let them work their magic. They arrived in our first month here and quickly became well known locally - in fact better known than me (please refer to my opening comment! 😂)

Of course we gathered up hens too - I’d been a volunteer for the British Hen Welfare Trust for a decade and so there was always a flock of ex-battery chickens weaving around the legs of our tiny herd and providing the very best eggs.

It wasn’t all smooth sailing, we lost the first of our boys quite suddenly a few years ago, well before his time and for no clear reason - another joined the herd to make up the numbers (minimum of three at all times) and our herd settled again. Sadly though this summer as they reached “a good age” we lost two in quick succession, leaving just one boy alone - sweet Peanut. He was so sad, and quickly became very tired from having to be alert on his own.

The heartbreak of that day, watching him look for his last remaining friend, was intense. Overwhelming. It was the knowledge that we had to re-home him, and fast - this was the end of our herd, overnight and unexpected.

Happily for Peanut we found a lovely home for him very quickly and just a mile away, thanks to Melissa welcoming him into her herd of females - watching him settle there was bittersweet.

Maybe you wonder why we didn’t have more, create a bigger herd to guard against this eventually-inevitable ending? With plans to move somewhere smaller this year we knew that our boys would soon be going to a new home, either with us if we found a little field, or to someone like Melissa if we didn’t. Increasing the herd with the house on the market felt impossible. Perhaps the boys knew it was the end of our era together and made it easy for us to let them go… we’ll never know and can only reflect and remember, and celebrate the fun and joy of being alpaca owners for a happy decade. 🧡

We still don’t know when we’ll be moving - the joys of the housing market! But you can be sure we’re making the most of everything we built and planted here, the wildlife we welcomed, the footpaths we created and the memories living in every square foot of land.

There is a lot to celebrate, mixed in with the goodbyes we’ve already made and the ones ahead.

Tell me, do you celebrate the bitter-sweet endings? How often do you take time to look back, sit in the past for a while and re-live a few of your favourite moments? I wonder how they can fuel and inspire your onward journey?

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Of course, there is more I could share from this part of our journey, for sure. And maybe I will, another time, in between my thoughts on human design and wholehearted self-belief. In the meantime if you want to read more about our home-building adventure (the one we are now selling) you can read about that here.

As always I’m sending love and hey, it feels like an Autumn thing, permission to re-live, reflect and rejoice in your journey too 🧡

Sarah xx

Hello you, I’m Sarah

I’m designed to create safe spaces for growth and change. I especially love to do this through a blend of nourishing coaching and insightful human design.

Clients describe me as “a transformative and grounding guide—someone who helps them feel calm, safe, accepted, and empowered to trust their design and take aligned action.”

Are you ready to discover what you’re designed to do in the world? Let’s chat 💬

1. For me, the most accurate way to make decisions is listening to my Sacral; is it a yes or a no? I’m talking Human Design of course ;) get in touch if you want to know more.