I have nothing to prove
and neither do you my love. On ego, belonging and experimentation
There’s always been this craving in me to be seen and heard. Feeling like I’ve to prove myself in some way in order to be recognised.
It would show up various ways. Trying to prove I was funny, rebellious, shocking. The best artist, the most precise dancer, the fastest sailor.
Setting up a side hustle when I already had a full time job, not for the extra money or to create a pathway to self-employment but simply to prove to my colleagues that I could.
Reacting to another coach’s social post / launch / etc with a message of my own to tell the world look I’m here too, notice me, I’m just as good, let me prove it to you!
Why? I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Safety? Ego? Reward?
My best guess is belonging. As humans we’re born with a need to belong, to be part of a tribe. Not belonging = death. It’s a bone deep knowing that we can’t just switch off. I find myself wondering should we want to switch it off? Belonging is a nice thing right? It keeps us safe?
I think it depends on where I’m trying to belong. And who’s in charge of choosing. Mostly it’s the ego, and honestly, it doesn’t make great decisions, but it can be tricky to spot when it’s leading the way.
In the last couple of years I’ve got a really good handle on what’s ego and what’s not. I can weed out the times when my ego is in charge and I’ve learned (am still learning) to sit back and surrender.
I have nothing to prove.
My human design experiment1 has helped massively. How, you might wonder, tell me more? Here’s three ways I check in to see if my ego is at work…
The will /ego centre (part of the heart chakra) is all about self-worth and in the shadow (not-self) it will be striving to prove itself, all over the place, without discernment. Notice me, see me, I have value! This is just ego.
My favourite affirmation for the will centre is… I have nothing to prove.
Knowing my purpose - we see this clearest in our Type, Personality Sun & Earth Moon. When I’m clear on my purpose, and I know what I’m here to do, I have nothing to prove. Living my purpose removes that ego-pressure in a heartbeat. Do I have to remind myself? Of course, but over time it becomes easier to remember to just be me. Thank you ego, I’ve got this.
When I’m following my Strategy and my Authority, the right things find me. On the flipside, when my ego is leading the way, it just feels wrong, like I’m swimming uphill, I try to get in with the wrong people, and find myself doing the wrong things… I can feel it in my body, it’s exhausting and unproductive. Step aside ego, you’re not the best person for the job.
One of the biggest clues is whether I’m operating from my mind (ego) or my body. It’s been eye-opening to see that my body feels comfortable around things that my mind would have said NO to, and vice versa. So I’m letting my body lead!
Here are some journalling prompts that could help you spot the ego at work, and remind you that you’ve nothing to prove…
🌟 do I think I have something to prove [in this situation]?
🌟 where am I unclear on what I’m here to do, and not staying in my own lane?
🌟 how does this situation feel to me? how do the people feel? how does my body feel about this, and is this right for me?
If you would like to work more deeply on this, please do reach out for a no-strings chat. I’ve been a self-belief coach for almost 5 years now, supporting women to build that rock-solid foundation, and weaving in Human Design to fast-track changes for clients, simply because it brings the deepest self-trust I have ever known. It would be a privilege to support you on your journey.
Sending love & courage ✨
Sarah xx
*upcoming workshops
Create Your Vision Board - Sunday 3rd March - 1-3pm - online - £22
Create Your Vision Board - Tuesday 12th March - 7-9pm - Clitheroe, Lancs - £44
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Hey I’m Sarah, human design coach, and creative introvert. I guide women during times of change, helping them to build their foundation self-belief and giving them full permission to be exactly who they’re designed to be, living and working with ease and flow. If this sounds like you, I’m inviting you to book a 1-1 session with me here to get started on our journey together, or take a first step by downloading your free human design chart here.
Human Design | seasonal energy | retreats | vision boards | introvert-friendly facilitation | group coaching
it’s always an experiment, no matter how long you’ve been in it, learning it, practicing it! it’s about what works for me.
I so relate to this! A huge motivation for my portraits was exactly this; I knew how deeply painful it can be to feel unseen, unheard, so I wanted to make damn sure that others don't feel thay way. That I see them, that I hear them.
The part I resonate with is about tuning back into my purpose. I get very driven when it comes to trying to grow my business. Its been very challenging at times, especially as I can't afford to gove up the day job but when I come back to why I do it, even if I feel rock bottom I feel more open and aligned with what's really important. Thanks for articulating it. This topic has been very much on my mind.