how I'm learning to trust myself

knowing that the right things will show up & trusting my sacral, plus my word of the year

It’s the end of new year’s day, or new calendar day, as my son calls it.

By now I thought I’d have had almost a week of gloriously leisurely reflection time, hanging out in my cosy space, maybe watching a bit of TV (by which I mean Discovery of Witches, again, obvs) and being thoroughly ready for January at the very least.

But that didn’t happen.

Because on Christmas morning, around 8am, before the household was awake, I finished my meditation and had a good stretch… OUCHIES!!

I hopped about a bit, swore a lot, and moved my shoulders cautiously but definitely, because you know it only gets worse if you don’t. It got worse. And it’s Christmas so all the good osteopaths are closed. Probably the bad ones too, I didn’t check them to be fair.

So the last seven days have been a merry-go-round of painkillers, great food, hugs (OW!), sleepless nights and trying to move/not-move… but absolutely not snuggled up with my journal, my tarot or my word of the year workbook which I shared just here with you in December (and maybe you have a word to share? '*nudge*)

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Here’s mine. Honestly this was the first time in a long time that I’ve not followed my own ‘rules’ and used the prompts in the workbook. Let me tell you why I like to follow them… because I have no idea what will come up. I’m always surprised by the word I finally choose and I love that. As an adult I find there just aren’t enough fun surprises in the world so why not give myself the best chance at one, right?

Right. But I just wasn’t feeling it, what with the pain, the non-stop rain and the lack of sleep.

Hmmm.

Ok, so, the backstory. (No, not that one, you’ve just read that above, I mean the story behind my word!)

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The word TRUST has been niggling away at me over the last few months as I’ve been leaning into my human design, and specifically as I’ve been figuring out what it really means for me. The thing I’ve realised is, I don’t think I’ve ever really trusted myself until recently, which has meant I’ve felt uneasy a lot. And that has not been great for my nervous system. It’s probably a good part of what led to my auto-immune thyroid problem to be honest.

But as human design is all about getting in the body and out of the mind, I’m noticing I can find places that I actually can trust, like my sacral. Because I’m a generator I can trust it to lead me the right way, which is bloody reassuring! When I listen to my head, it’s all over the place, never certain (um, not designed to be) and yes, very unsettling… but my sacral knows.

Of course, behaviourally it’s a challenge to just start trusting something out of the blue, so I’ve actually been doing what I’d tell any of my clients to do and that’s to experiment. Change is hard! So lowering the stakes always makes things easier for me, and I love this starting point:

So I’ve been asking myself “I wonder what would happen if you trusted your sacral on this one?” and from there, not just my sacral… my whole body.

Near our house there’s a quiet tree-lined lane, hardly any traffic and a nice place to walk the dog. But I hated going there alone, because there’s an abandoned farmhouse half way up and who knows what might happen if I walk past it? So I’d go part way up and scamper home… or call hubby while I’m walking, just in case… and if a delivery van crept along the lane to the far farm, I’d jump to imagining the very worst and be literally shaking until l was back on the main road.

But as I get deeper into this idea of trusting my body, I start to ask myself “where is this fear?” It could be right there in my sacral, that strong knowing. It could be in my quietly whispering intuitive spleen. Or it could be in my head.

I dug deep on my next few walks and did an experiment. I stood still on that isolated lane and looked inside for the fear. I wanted to see it, look it in the eye and find out what it wanted from me. It wasn’t there. I felt around to find that my body was actually calm. Ha! I checked again, of course. Still nothing.

Oh. Ha! So, this could be what freedom feels like? Maybe?

It’s tentative. But I’m liking it, this feeling of self-trust.

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I’m trusting the signs too.

If you don’t already do this, this is a brilliant game to play… what signs or external clues are there that tell me I’m on the right path?

Just after I wrote down my word to share with you, I pulled a tarot card. Of course it’s this one; the keynotes for the hanged man include surrendering, realigning to your heart, new wisdom… you can’t make this shit up!

Let me leave you with some thinking prompts (or journalling if you prefer)

• What are you calling in for the year ahead? Is this a word, a project, new relationships or friendships?

• What do you need to do differently to help make this happen?

• What do you need to let go of?

• What would tell you that you’re on the right path? How will you feel? What will you see or hear?

• How can you build trust in yourself?

And I’ll be back very soon, with news of what’s coming up here in 2024, for free & paid subscribers. I’m grateful for all of you, and trust that you get the value you need from reading my words.

With love

Sarah xx

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PS: If you missed my end of year gifts they’re here…

#05 🎁 how to clear your energy centres & come back to feeling like you during busy times

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🎁 your word of the year workbook is here!

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Hey I’m Sarah, human design coach, and creative introvert. I guide women during times of change, helping them to build their self-belief and giving them full permission to be exactly who they’re designed to be, living and working with ease and flow. If this sounds like you, I’m inviting you to book a 1-1 session with me here to get started on our journey together, or take a first step by downloading your free human design chart here.

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Human Design | seasonal energy | retreats | vision boards | introvert-friendly facilitation | group coaching