what other people think of me…

and how it’s none of my business

Hello you,

So, there’s a version of me who’s meek and mild and wouldn’t say boo to a goose¹.

And there’s another version. When she’s ready to step forward, I can’t stop her. She’s the outspoken one with strong views, quick to wade in and shake things up.

At its best, this works beautifully, boosting my confidence and leaving me sitting up taller, feeling in my element!

But when it doesn’t work, I’m left feeling heavy and regretful, wishing she’d slow down and think before she speaks.

What will people think? Do they still like me? Can I ever walk into that room again? are not uncommon thoughts after she’s whirled through my day. It’s magnificently uncomfortable.

And yet… I’m not sure I’d change it.

You see, the discomfort is only about what other people think of me.

Recently I commented in a group chat. And almost immediately wished I hadn’t.

I was offering an alternative view about a previous group member who was acting out of character; my sacral² got a hit of ‘yes!’ to getting involved; something needed to be said and I didn’t slow down long enough to deliver all my thinking into that reactive message but inside my mind was racing “why is she acting like this? what’s gone on in her world, what pressure is she under? Could we reach out and help her?”

Oof, the backlash was fast! The group were clear; there was no excuse for her behaviour and I was wrong.

It hurt. I stepped back, wishing I’d not said anything… I simmered for a while, alternating between sadness (I don’t feel like I belong here anymore) and anger (I don’t want to belong here anymore!) and questioning my decision to speak out (my sacral is never wrong, could I still trust it? What happened?) until, as it does, time got on and did its usual thing where it softens everything gradually and I could see clearer...

Ahh, of course. I could see that I wasn’t uncomfortable because of my quick decision, my strong views or my willingness to share them; I love and value those parts of me…

And I could see too that I wasn’t prepared to subdue those parts to make other people feel comfortable, even if things got a little rocky along the way.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

I’ve got a crystal clear memory of someone telling me this early on in my career. It felt important. Not easy mind you, but important.

A few years later I was gifted this quote from Hugh Prather, and between them these two phrases have supported me through a lot of self-doubt and many wobbles.

Some people will like me and some won’t.

So I might as well be me.

And then I know that the people who like me, like me.

Maybe you’d like some journaling prompts to explore this topic…

💫 Do you spend too much time wondering what other people think? What’s the impact on you, and how would you like it to be instead?

🌟 Are you able to be yourself? What or who makes this easier or harder?

💫 How do these two quotes make you feel?

As always, do share in the comments, or hit reply to reach my inbox. These are important conversations, let’s keep sharing.

Sending love,

Sarah xx

---

My mission is making human design simple and empowering women to be confident in their uniqueness. Here’s how you can work with me:

• Book a human design reading with me

• Build your confidence with a human-design led coaching journey

• Listen to the podcast

• Get your free human design chart

• Join me in Circle if you’re near Clitheroe, Lancs, UK

1. yes I know, if you really know me, you’ll be laughing at this! But I really thought that’s who I was, from the inside, even though I probably never was on the outside. Of course, our brains go ahead and delete, distort and generalise to make sure we only see what fits with our inner beliefs. So I tricked myself for a long time into believing I was someone else… which is a good part of why I help other women figure out what their limiting beliefs are, and release them.

2. my inner authority, in my human design chart, is from my sacral, this is how I make decisions that are correct for me. It’s fast and accurate, and around 30% of the population have this authority too. For a long time, I ignored it, which led to awful choices and burnout. Learning about this is just one of the reasons I talk about HD all the time, because I want everyone to experience the freedom and joy it can bring.