is the bandwagon actually full?
and who gets to decide? my tentative explorations into ADHD plus the ups and downs of labelling and, naturally, where I see human design fitting into this conversation
Hello you,
A couple of years ago I read an email from
. I’ve been following her work for years; there’s something about her that feels very familiar to me. It was this email that went a long way to explain why. The email delivered the rawness of her new ADHD diagnosis to my inbox and everything I read made sense; she was talking about me surely? It felt good, belonging and affirming to read her words that day.
At that time it was still all new to me and I had been pondering how I fitted into this emerging conversation, mostly because I was thinking ‘wait, how is this even a thing? I thought everyone was like this? Isn’t this normal?’
A little while later I was talking with someone in my network [I’ll call her Jill] and she shared that she’d recently been diagnosed too.
So I welcomed the opening to talk more about it in person and replied with “Oh... I feel a LOT of that…” I hoped we’d be able to compare notes, and perhaps Jill would share resources or possible next steps with me.
But the conversation stopped there because what Jill said to me was… not what I expected. “I find it quite disrespectful when people say they know what it’s like, everyone is just jumping on the bandwagon and it belittles everything I’m going through.”
Oh, right, sorry, I’ll stay quiet.
A week or so later I tried mentioning to a friend that I was resonating very much with the description of someone who’s lived with inattentive ADHD for nearly 50 years.
“Ha! You don’t have ADHD!”
Oh, OK, I must be wrong.
It clearly wasn’t safe to open this up or more likely I was mistaken, and maybe I did just want to jump on the trendy bandwagon... I was obviously just caught up in the buzzword of the year, and besides I’m doing ok, mostly. I mean, everyone feels distracted, overwhelmed and endlessly restless, right? So, I decided to park it there and just leave it alone. I was starting to realise that no, not everyone has all this stuff going on inside all the time, but at the same time I didn’t feel I needed anything official to tell me. I didn’t want another label.
Hmmm, labels…
OK, yes labels can be useful, helping us get the right support, treatment, conversations and so on. The labels can help us gather, find our tribes and feel a sense of belonging.
But they can also get in the way of growth and opportunity when we cling too tightly… and when we only focus on the limitations instead of the gifts, those limitations are all we see. For too long all I’d been hearing was what ADHD stopped you doing, usually along the lines of “my ADHD won’t let me…”
(Just to be clear, I personally think the ADHD label is empowering and positive… but I know a lot of people who treat it like a burden whether they have it themselves, or whether they’re talking about others with that label…)
I’d already spent a full decade labelled, by someone in authority, with depression, stuck in a fixed mindset, blaming all my failures and lack of progress on that diagnosis, not believing I had any choice or control over anything. But you don’t get to be a mindset coach for five years without getting very impatient in the face of rigid and limiting beliefs, often created by, yes you got it, labels.
So no, no thank you, no more labels for me.
But it’s looping back around, this question of “does ADHD explain me?” especially since I happened on a post by
brilliantly titled ‘Are you jumping on the bandwagon?’ Since this is literally the question I’ve been asking myself (obviously, she knows) I’ve allowed it to be the nudge I needed to dive back into this subject and spent the weekend reading, absorbing, nodding.I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s me.
I’m reflecting on all the ‘random’ conversations I’ve had which go along the lines of me describing the contents of my head, a friend looking at me like ‘whaaaattt??!’ and me asking “errr, so doesn’t everyone feel like this?” to which they tell me gently “… err… noooo…” Yeah, I think it’s me.
And also, I doubt myself, because, I’m me. I’m scared of being wrong and I’m hesitant to put my stake in the ground here in case I’m wrong, because, I’m me.
But I’ll eat my laptop if it’s not me. That’s all I’m saying. Maybe I am jumping on the bandwagon. Perhaps that’s where I belong. Why would I let someone who’s not in my head tell me I can’t? It’s not like the bandwagon actually gets full, right?
And, all that said, it’s totally ok that even if I do have a pre-booked seat, I’m still not sure where I want to go with this right now, where to open up a conversation that feels safe, how to explore further…
How does human design fit into this conversation?
Of course at this point, inevitably, I turn to my chart* - it’s my go-to whenever I need challenge, reassurance, or explanation.
Surely there’s something in here that explains it, a correlation I haven’t just spotted?
But honestly, I don’t think there is. I’ve enough human design clients with ADHD to not spot a trend by now.
What human design does do incredibly well, is invites you back into your body.
It invites you to tune into who you really are. What YOU feel like. What your gifts and strengths are. To focus on what you CAN do, and what you’re here to do. To draw your attention away from trying to be what you are not and simply lean all the way in to YOU. To rest here.
To say, yes this is me, whatever labels you might give me, this is me.
And I don’t think there is anything more powerful or beautiful than that, do you?
AND at the same time, there are definitely some elements of human design that bring what-feel-like ADHD traits. For example, a wide open head centre, the gate 56 with the shadow of distraction, the 23-43 channel, to name a few…
Understanding how these energies fit into your design can go a long way to helping accept and embrace some of these traits, especially as there is always an invitation to explore both the shadow and the gift of each area.
Whether or not you have an official diagnosis, if you’re called to explore with me in this way, please do reach out.
As always, I invite you to meet me in the comments, or press reply to meet me in my inbox. I adore the conversations we have 🧡
I’m sending love, as always
Sarah xx
*I’m talking about my human design chart, in case you don’t have yours, it’s just here…
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Hi Sarah, I soooo resonate with this post! I too have felt that what people described as ADHD could apply to most people, because it surely did describe me, some of my closest friends and family members.
I've not been diagnosed, but now at 54 I am beginning to think I do have it. Discovering my design explained a lot about my experience in life (4/1 emotional Generator, with completely open Head, Root, and Will centers, channel 43/23, and a ton of Individual circuitry!), but now I suspect here is more to it. Having been someone who started practicing yoga/meditation and a slew of mindfulness techniques nearly 20 years ago, I realize I have inadvertently developed coping strategies that helped me manage my life.
I have been hesitant about publicly talking about it because of the possibility of people reacting the way you described in this post. I am grateful you have shared your experience, I think there is a lot of us in the same boat!
Wow - I can't believe that email response. I am sorry. I don't want to jump on YOUR bandwagon but one thing someone said to me that I found helpful was almost a warning in advance, that other people make comments from what they glimpse on the outside but you are talking about how you feel on the inside. I love how you brought this back to human design. Thank you for sharing.