am I still an introvert?
and does it really matter? on energies, balance and learning myself from the inside out
It’s early morning as I write to you, and for a change I’m snuggled back under the duvet, my feet glowing from a quick trip to the back door with a desperate pup, that strange tingle of thawing making me quite glad I didn’t stop for socks as we dashed downstairs.
I’m treating myself to a slow day today, even though my doggy alarm clock didn’t get the memo and went off earlier than usual. Tea and writing in bed feels like just the start I need.
Yesterday was a delightfully busy day.
Now that’s not something I ever thought I’d hear myself say, and I know deeply that something has shifted this last year.
And I’m thinking a lot about the word ‘introvert’.
I know what an introvert is, officially; she recharges during time alone, takes time over her thinking, tends to be more empathetic and a good listener.
And I know what an introvert isn’t too. She’s not shy, quiet or averse to public speaking*. I’m definitely none of those things and I get a bit ranty about the this irritating misconception.
(*of course, she might be, along with a lot of extroverts I know; that’s just conditioning and we get to shift that if it doesn’t serve us)
Recently on an unscripted instagram reel I found myself saying “I’m not sure if I’m an introvert” - a close friend rang to see if I was ok. Having identified as an introvert for years, I’d surprised myself too to be fair.
What’s changed is how energising I’m finding it to be with people. I’ve been noticing this more and more as the weeks go by. In the past I’d need to recharge hard after a networking meeting and couldn’t book in more than a couple of 1-1 meetings each day. But more often now the quiet days are draining me more than the people-y ones. I’m not entirely sure I’m comfortable with this shift; I’m deeply attached to my introvert label, and yet. I love how it’s so much more easeful to be in a group and how lit up I feel after back to back 1-1’s.
Am I still an introvert? Maybe I’m an ambivert? The sudden futility of trying to label it smacks me in the face. I might as well be playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. How is it serving me to find the ‘right’ label for myself along this particular spectrum?
As I write I know it’s about belonging. Again, it’s always about belonging.
I feel drawn to being, and being with, introverts. Why do I feel a bodily aversion to the word extrovert? I’m brought up sharp again, I see it, how this is all judgement on my part, an adverse reaction to how celebrated the extrovert qualities have been in our culture, how lacking those ‘qualities’ has given me permission to hold myself back and for the most part avoid the folk who feel to me not-introvert. As if I don’t need balance in my life.
Yin and yang.
For the last decade I’ve leaned entirely towards the feminine. I know that my nervous system has needed the healing, the nurturing, the softness; the familiar qualities that could maybe be confused with introversion, if you blur your vision a little. And I’ve protected myself from the masculine, built walls against the faster, louder, action-oriented energies that jarred my system.
But now? I’m rebalancing.
It’s a subtle process within my body. It’s learning myself from the inside out. It’s using my design to understand what’s mine and what isn’t, where I’ve been conditioned to be not-me and how to heal each part. It’s learning exactly where I take in the energy of others, what it feels like in my system, and how to shed it before it changes me, confuses me, drains me.
It’s seeing at last who I am, distinct from who you are, how our energies blur and mingle, when that’s ok and when it isn’t. It’s knowing how to connect and when to protect instead.
It’s expansive and freeing. It’s the finding of myself that I’m so ready for. It’s something I can support you with too, we can chat about how over a virtual brew if you’ll like to explore.
If you’d like some thinking or journaling today I might invite you to ponder… 💫 where are you out of balance? 💫 what are you assuming that’s stopping you finding balance? 💫 who could you be, if you release the assumptions?
And honestly, on balance, I think I still am an introvert. But I had you worried for a minute there didn’t I? 😘
Sending love
Sarah xx
PS. it’s not for everyone but I love the new DM feature in Substack ❤️ you can get in my inbox just here if you’d like to connect. I’m welcoming thoughts on this post, collaboration explores or just a chat about the weather… click below to start that 1-1 connection.
Probably everyone is an ambivert in some way. I thought I was too, although primarily introverted. Until I lived alone for the first time ever, and I now realize I consider every second of my life spent alone wasted lol. I wither and die within minutes without company, apparently.
Something simple words and expressing your feelings are most effective and important..and you connect because you have been their..stories are special and so communication is ..I just feel lable is just what we feel ... important is what we feel ..if you feel quiet and private and same time communicate your heart out and being your own light.. that's the beauty of life...and the touch you give . beautiful 🤍