on choosing magic
and how I discovered tarot
Having tarot cards around me feels completely normal now. So normal that I’ve forgotten it used to be otherwise. Reading The Everyday Knitter this week got me thinking. There was such familiarity in what she wrote, the being more than just a knitter (for her, coach for me), the dangers of standing out from the crowd, and the trepidation about sharing the tarot habit we have… yes to all of that. It was wonderful to read the words of a women I don’t know and feel such connection. And it nudged me to reflect on how I got to here.
Because for most of my life, I dismissed tarot as ‘not something I could believe in’. There was a lot else I didn’t believe in either; astrology, witches, the power of the mind… but I wanted to. I desperately wanted to believe in all of it.
Like most kids, I wanted magic to be real.
We grew up in a home where the unexplainable wasn’t possible, a place where “cards can’t tell the future, it’s a con”, a place where “star signs aren’t a thing, how can the stars tell us how to be?” and for sure “witches aren’t real”. Heck, special effects on the TV were called out just in case we believed Superman really could fly.
We also didn’t have a religion, my folks having been disenchanted by the way church was forced on them growing up and chose to walk away. Which was fine with me; our local church, when we had to go occasionally with school, was creepy and dark, the vicar dull and boring; plus how could there be a god anyway, we couldn’t see him/her = not real.
So we believed in science. My brother chose electrical sciences and I was called to engineering; I always wanted to be hands-on and build things - I made my own furniture when I was 20 and from 23 I was renovating every house I owned, designing and building spaces I loved. In my work it showed up as designing and building systems and spreadsheets to make businesses run smoother. All of which was mostly enjoyable and definitely within my zone of genius, so I couldn’t really complain…
But I still wanted magic.
I wanted to believe in something. In tarot, in manifesting, in astrology… or whatever else was out there. I wanted in, to all the woo and unexplainable ways that might just help me live a happier, more fulfilled life. Because, why wouldn’t I, right?
I just had no idea how. Do you just start believing in something one day? Do you switch it on like a rusty tap? Where do you even find the rusty tap?!
Ironically it was when I started studying yet another science as part of my coaching training that I found that tap and set about thinking about the outside possibility of maybe turning it sometime… hello neuroscience and welcome to my world!
It was intriguing and freeing to learn about how the science actually does explain all the unexplainable weird and wonderful things I’d held myself back from for so long.
One of my favourite nuggets?
What you focus on you get more of.
Did I believe it? Honestly, no, not at first. But I was in a learning space so I was open to it… and of course, as I watched what was happening in me and around me, I could see it was true… focus on tiredness? feel sluggish. Focus on micro-moments of joy? find more of them. Ahhh I get it, this is how it works!
And wait… this is the law of attraction? That’s all it is? Science? Woo is just science? You mean, even I can do this manifesting thing?
(Side-note: I tried sharing this new-found wisdom with my teenager, explaining to him “you’re making your headache last longer by talking about it all day” he told me to stop being weird and try actually being normal for a change… and could I just pass some paracetamol, quietly. And one day he’ll ask me why I didn’t teach him this when he was younger… reader, I tried)
I started having conversations with people already in my network that tipped into this new world, it felt like a gift to be discovering, in midlife, the ancient wisdoms that have been there all along.
Oracle cards was the first place I went.
But they were my secret; I didn’t feel qualified to have them, I’d been on the other side of the fence for so long, who was I to just hop over and start enjoying the woo I’d dismissed out of hand? I couldn’t even bring myself to tell hubby for months “what would he think? he didn’t sign up for this!”
Well, of course I did eventually tell him (he was very cool about it of course, and just wanted to join in with card-pulls) and I slowly built my confidence, layering on reiki training, crystals, and of course, tarot.
My first tarot deck, The Wild Unknown, was a tough one for a beginner but I didn’t care, it was so beautiful and one hundred percent felt like the magic I’d been looking for in the world. I still didn’t really understand it, but I loved it.
(The deck in the photo above is Kim Kran’s Animal Spirit deck, shown in some brand photography I had done and then never used because I still wasn’t really ready to share)
So next I got myself on a tarot course by the wonderful Susannah Conway (the course is called 78 Mirrors and runs once a year I think) and that’s where I found the Light Seers Tarot, which is a way more accessible deck, so much so that I’ll use it with clients if it feels right.
You might be wondering (if you’re still reading this far into a lengthy blog!) if I ever figured out how tarot tells your future?
Is it really magic or is it a con after all like my dad always said… well, I don’t believe tarot tells the future. But I know it offers us a fresh perspective, it highlights what we were already thinking, or calls us out on what we’ve kept hidden. It gives us insights into our depths and glimpses of what to watch out for on our daily travels. It nudges, challenges and shines a light into the dark corners. It gives us permission to chase our dreams and find out who we really are on this journey…
And I think that is pretty magical and way better than knowing the future, don’t you?
Oh, in case you wondered, The Sun card at the top of this post is my absolute number one aspirational card; its theme is joy, abundance and exuberant creativity, a true ‘yes’ card. It lifts me up to see this card. In its shadow this card suggests there might be delay, self-doubt and a need to tune out negativity & find inspiration.
If you’d like a journal prompt for your weekend, maybe you’d like one of these, inspired by The Sun:
☀️Where can I find joy & abundance in my life?
☀️Where am I feeling inadequate or not-enough?
☀️In what areas of your life, public or private, do you shine brightly?
Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this post, please let me know by clicking the heart, and if you know someone who’d like to read it, please do share.
With love,
Sarah xx